The "roommate phase" -- the period in relationships where couples lose their romantic spark -- looms over most long-term pairings. With affected couples often left scrambling for solutions to this dreaded drain in passion, Newsweek asked two experts how you can spot if you are in the "roommate phase" and what to do about it.
Licensed therapists say the roommate phase is common in long-term relationships and marriages, particularly when external stressors such as work, children and daily responsibilities take precedence over intimacy.
Research indicates that relationship satisfaction tends to decrease between the ages of 20 and 40, reaching a low point around age 40. This period often coincides with when relationships have fizzled down from being exciting flings to long-term commitments. Partners in "roommate relationships" may find themselves coexisting rather than truly connecting.
Danielle Dellaquila, an associate private practice therapist specializing in relationships and communication, told Newsweek that she has worked with many clients who found themselves bogged down by the "roommate phase."
"The 'roommate phase' is very common and often happens when life gets busy, or people get comfortable in their relationship or marriage," Dellaquila said. "A common example is usually seen in parents of young kids who are busy prioritizing the business of everyday life, managing their household, working, raising their kids, and sometimes putting their own relationship in the backseat."
Dellaquila stressed that while it may affect them at an increased rate, the phenomenon is not exclusive to married couples.
"The common factor in any relationship going through this is the lack of prioritizing the marriage and putting other responsibilities before the relationship," she added
Cynthia Flores, a licensed marriage and family therapist who hosts the Heal & Manifest podcast, echoed this sentiment, adding that the transition into a "roommate relationship" often happens gradually.
"A 'roommate relationship' often happens when emotional and physical intimacy take a backseat to accommodate routine and logistics," Flores told Newsweek.
Dellaquila added that one of the strongest indicators of the "roommate phase" is a lack of effort from both partners.
"You may notice that your partner has stopped putting effort into the relationship, and if you reflect, you may realize you are doing the same," she said. "It can be dangerous because it often leads to thoughts like, 'Well, if they're not trying, why should I?' which creates a cycle of resentment and distancing."
Another red flag, she said, is when partners stop turning to each other for emotional support and companionship.
"You may start to feel alone or notice yourself turning to friends, extended family, or outside people for emotional support instead," Dellaquila explained.
Even conflict can be a sign of change. While arguing might seem like a negative indicator, a total lack of disagreement can mean a breakdown in communication.
"Conflict in relationships is perfectly OK, normal, and even healthy -- as long as it does not go unresolved and is handled well," Dellaquila said. "Having conflict means communication is happening.
"When there is no conflict, it can be a sign that communication has stopped."
Multiple factors can contribute to this dynamic, Flores said, including infidelity, unresolved conflicts, unbalanced emotional labor, differing attachment styles, and external stressors like work and family pressures.
Without addressing these challenges, partners may feel disconnected and unfulfilled in the relationship, which can lead to them growing apart emotionally and physically.
"The real danger comes when this phase goes unacknowledged and undiscussed," Dellaquila added. "If couples do not address it, they risk allowing this dynamic to continue for too long."
Overcoming the "roommate phase" requires intentional effort from both partners, despite the comfort that some may find in their new routine.
"The first step is working on the main contributing factors that bring people into the roommate phase: lack of communication and connection," Dellaquila said. "It's important to first address with your partner that you are experiencing this phase and discuss what may have led to it."
From there, couples should be able to take steps to rebuild intimacy and strengthen their bond.
"One of the most helpful ways to do this, especially when both partners are very busy, is to schedule dates, quick daily emotional check-ins, and time for alone time or intimacy," Dellaquila said.
While scheduling romantic moments may not sound spontaneous, it can be a necessary temporary measure until reconnecting with each other feels natural again.
"Having to schedule this time might not be very exciting, but it can be essential," she said. "Especially when life is busy, planning ahead gives both partners something to look forward to."
Flores emphasized how crucial this intentionality is in making people feel special, adding that couples must actively work to rekindle this emotional intimacy.
"To move past this phase, couples must rebuild emotional intimacy through open communication, intentional quality time, and deeper vulnerability," Flores said. "Seeking couples therapy can also help them identify underlying issues, strengthen their bond, and rediscover intimacy."
The good news? Both experts say the "roommate phase" is not necessarily a sign of a doomed relationship -- it is a challenge that many couples can work through together.
The key lies is acknowledging the issue and making a concerted effort to finally prioritize the relationship above all else.