Earl Horlyk
Dear Annie: Last week, my good friend "Jess" called me at 6 a.m. to ask if I could drive her to an appointment that same morning, even though I had to be at work by 8. This kind of last-minute favor is becoming a pattern. I've been tempted to say no, but she will always guilt me with something like, "You're the only one I can count on!"
I really do value our friendship, but I feel drained by her constant needs. How can I let her know I need some firmer boundaries without making her feel like I'm abandoning her? -- Feeling Drained
Dear Feeling Drained: You're going to have to do what you've been avoiding: say no.
Tell her you want to be there for her, but you simply don't have the time or energy to drop everything at a moment's notice. It might be awkward at first, but a true friend will respect your limits.
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Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for well over three decades. We have two sons, one in his early 30s and the other in his early 20s. My husband "Gus" hates his sons with every fiber of his being. Gus destroyed their childhood by wanting nothing to do with them. To this day, Gus ignores them or does whatever he can to hurt their feelings.
I am at a point where I can't take it any longer. My oldest has moved out and created a good life for himself. My youngest is still at home and desperately wants a relationship with his dad. What would make a man hate his sons so much? My husband will absolutely not go to counseling as he doesn't think this is a problem. Please offer some advice. My heart can't take much more. -- Brokenhearted Mom
Dear Brokenhearted: In addition to the way he treats your boys, your letter also begs the question -- how does Gus treat you? Without his cooperation or openness to improving his relationships with his sons, I'm afraid we'll never truly know the underlying reasons for your husband's lack of love or paternal instinct.
Instead of trying to force Gus into being the father your sons deserve and likely disappointing them even more, focus on making sure they know how much you love and support them, especially your youngest still under your roof. I strongly suggest counseling, for yourself and your kids, to help you all start to heal from this unfortunate trauma and learn how to create boundaries that protect you from Gus' emotional abuse.
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Food and Lifestyles reporter
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