All children deserve to be raised in a loving home, but unfortunately, that's not the reality for many. Some are raised by parents who put them in a constant state of survival -- stuck in "fight or flight" and never truly feeling safe.
If you were raised in survival instead of love, you likely still feel the effects now. It's not something you get over easily. It's important to recognize the signs to get the help you need.
Children raised in survival mode are no strangers to criticism. Instead of recognizing your accomplishments, your parents likely pointed out all the things you supposedly did wrong
"If you feel like nothing you do will ever be good enough for your parents, you might not have received enough praise, or at least acknowledgment for your effort and successes," Psych2Go said in a video on the topic.
The Child Mind Institute said that parents should help their children understand and deal with criticism -- not be the ones to dole it out. Furthermore, living with this kind of criticism can create serious long-term problems.
"Excessive criticism in childhood can lead you to always expect to be criticized, causing anticipatory anxiety," Psych2Go noted.
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"Spiritual, holistic health and wellness practitioner," Lana Compton pointed out in a TikTok, that a "warm physical touch" is a sign that you were raised in love.
Parents who withheld this from their children raised them in survival mode. In these households, physical touch may have even been something to be feared.
Psych2Go said, "If you were raised in survival mode, it was likely that your parents disciplined you physically often and for the smallest things."
A study published by the National Institutes of Health found that a lack of physical touch in childhood can even affect development.
Having "unpredictable or unstable caregivers," Compton said, is a sign of growing up in survival.
Psych2Go was quick to note that this does not necessarily have anything to do with being raised by a single parent, as there can be an overflow of love in those homes. Rather, it's about who comes in and out of your life.
"If your parents were divorced, you might have grown up with strangers coming into your life, into your home, and then disappearing," they said.
A Yale study from 2021 revealed that caregivers have a huge influence on children's development. "Severe disruption to early caregiving alters long-term development and increases risk for mental health disorders across the lifespan," it stated.
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According to Psych2Go, "Neglect comes in many forms, not just the visible ones. It can mean being left in harmful situations, such as witnessing domestic violence or substance abuse in the household, or not getting the emotional support you need from parents, like not receiving affection, validation or guidance."
Compton noted that this can come from situations like caregivers being "dismissive of feelings and opinions" and "[neglecting] basic needs."
Researchers Stephen Ludwig and Anthony Rostain found, "For children, affectional neglect may have devastating consequences, including failure to thrive, developmental delay, hyperactivity, aggression, depression, low self-esteem, running away from home, substance abuse, and a host of other emotional disorders."
Perhaps the clearest sign of not being raised in love is being abused, whether physically, emotionally, or sexually.
"No one is supposed to live in perpetual fear of their parents," Psych2Go stated.
Unsurprisingly, experiencing abuse as a child has long-lasting effects. The United States government's Child Welfare website said, "Child abuse and neglect causes trauma, which can impair brain development and is linked to physical, emotional, and behavioral issues later in life."
The lasting effects of being raised in survival mode are challenging, but thankfully, many resources can help, such as mental health treatment and therapy. You are deserving of feeling love, even if it's later in life that you discover it.
If you or someone you know has been a victim of child abuse, there are resources available to help. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) to speak with a crisis counselor 24/7.
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