My doctor said I need to stop worrying so much, so I paid some guy $60,000 to do all my worrying for me.
I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. Serendipity is the search for one thing and finding another thing that's a treasure. Lost things become discoveries. If something isn't quick enough to get out of the way, someone will collect it because people will collect anything. Rubber bands, dolls, twist ties, comic books, toys, baseball cards, pens and pencils, ketchup packets, expired coupons and past due bills.
School daze
Years ago, I read to classes in school. I arrived early and watched as parents brought their precious young'uns to school. One man held his young son's hand. They both looked frightened, but the father wore a brave smile. The child had a worried countenance bordering on panic. It was hard to determine which one held the tighter grip. When they came into the school, the boy's grip lessened as he saw another boy he recognized -- a friend or a relative. The young boy slipped his hand from his father's. The boy looked happy. The father became a poster for a bittersweet moment. The fake smile had moved from the father's face to a genuine smile on his young son's.
Those thrilling days of yesteryear
The preacher visited my aunt. She was nearing 100 years of age and lived in an assisted living place. She needed to see a nurse and hoped the preacher would wait for her return. He was happy to do so. He sat down and read his emails. Then he noticed a bowl of peanuts next to the chair. He thought my aunt wouldn't mind if he ate a couple of them. They were good. It's hard to eat only two peanuts unless you're allergic to them. He got carried away and ate all but one of them. He couldn't take the last one. When my aunt returned, he confessed to eating all but one peanut. He apologized, saying, "Don't worry, I'll bring you a bowl of peanuts on my next visit."
"Oh, my goodness," said my aunt."You don't need to bring me any peanuts. I can't eat them until I get my new teeth. I'd take some chocolate-covered peanuts, though. I suck the chocolate off them and put the peanuts back into that bowl."
Ask Al
"Why did Cleopatra take milk baths?" Because she couldn't find a cow tall enough to take a milk shower.
"Why do we have to have blizzards?" So, we rural folks can hurry to town the minute the blizzard subsides and tell others how it wasn't that bad.
I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack. I'm not in trouble yet. But the thyme is cumin.
For years, I believed the Earth was flat. Then I turned four.
My uncle was driving to work when he had his third flat tire of the week. That was the day he retired.
In gratitude
Happy anniversary to my bride, Gail. I fall more in love with you each year.
Nature notes
Carl and Cheryl Beckendorf of Fairmont found 24 monarch butterfly caterpillars on one milkweed plant. An egg is about the size of a pinhead, and the butterfly usually lays a single egg on a plant, but egg dumps, where many eggs are laid on one plant, have been observed. Some butterflies don't get a chance to lay all their eggs. The eggs hatch in about four days (can be three to eight). Dr. Karen Oberhauser, former director of the Monarch Lab at the University of Minnesota, had a captive female that laid 1179 eggs in its lifetime, but the average is around 700. Fewer eggs are laid during hot, dry summers. Oberhauser reported one captive female laying 205 eggs in one day.
"I found a decapitated rabbit inside my fenced-in yard. Whodunit?" The great horned owl deals with large prey by beheading the victim and taking the head to its nest or noshing perch. That owl is the only wild predator that regularly kills skunks.
"How far does a honey bee travel during a foraging trip?" A bee could travel as far as 5 miles from the hive but typically forages closer to home. A single bee would visit 50 to 100 flowers of the same species unless there is a scarcity.
Meeting adjourned
"A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person." -- Dave Barry. Be kind.