THE EDITOR: The phrase "tit for tat" is one of those age-old expressions that has woven itself into cultures across the globe, including our country. At its very core it is a reaction; it means giving back as much as you received, usually in retaliation for harm, injury or insult. The term, an alteration of "tip for tap," meaning "blow for blow," has been recorded as far back as 1558.

This behaviour is not new, nor is it confined to any age group, gender or socio-economic status. Tit for tat is a learned response, a learned behaviour. Many of us first encountered it in the schoolyard: "He hit me, so I hit him back, it's slap for slap." Children often plead the defence, "Miss, he/she hit me first," reflecting both a sense of fairness and the instinct to retaliate, demonstrating a culture of aggression among us.

For some parents and guardians, especially in the face of concerns about bullying and the limits of the school system to provide justice, tit for tat has even been taught as a way of standing up for oneself or demonstrating assertiveness.

But this behaviour is hardly restricted to childhood. Our days of primary and secondary school may be long behind us, yet the tit-for-tat response lingers well into adulthood. It has evolved into a recognisable conflict style, visible across all spheres of life. We see it in our homes among spouses, parents, and children; in workplaces between colleagues and managers; in our churches and communities; and especially in the political arena.

Social media, with its instant reach and heightened emotions, has amplified the visibility of tit-for-tat exchanges, turning private squabbles into public spectacles.

Because human beings are naturally reactive, the urge to respond in kind is strong. Avoiding it requires self-awareness and deliberate effort. And if you are reading this, you may already recall moments when you too engaged in this behaviour.

While some may dismiss tit for tat as petty, it is worth pausing to reflect: When was the last time you used this style? What stopped you, or tempted you, from doing so? Do we engage in it as a form of self-preservation? Or is it driven by the need to mirror someone else's actions?

As a conflict style, using tit for tat often escalates tensions, trapping parties within the conflict at the same negative level. Yet, if reconsidered, tit for tat can also be transformed into a tool for de-escalation.

So how can an age-old expression like tit for tat, long associated with retaliation and negative conflict, be reimagined as a tool for de-escalation? At first glance, it may sound overly simplistic, as if resolving conflict is just a matter of smiling back when someone smiles at you. But that small gesture points us toward a larger truth: just as conflict can escalate step by step, the same "ladder" can be climbed down through deliberate acts of de-escalation.

Transforming tit for tat into a positive tool requires maturity, self-control, and a genuine desire for resolution. It calls for shifting from a win-lose mindset to one that seeks win-win outcomes. In practice, this means initiating co-operation and allowing the other party the opportunity to reciprocate.

When used constructively, tit for tat becomes the mirroring of positive words, gestures, and actions rather than negative ones. It asks us to be the "bigger person," to maintain composure, resist the pull of retaliation, and instead respond in ways that foster understanding and calm.

Conflict is a part of our daily life, it can be interpersonal, intragroup, or intergroup, appearing in our homes, workplaces, communities, and relationships, often when we least expect it.

Precisely because it is inevitable, we must challenge ourselves to unlearn the reflexive behaviours that escalate tensions and instead embrace methods that de-escalate. Doing so requires individuals who are willing to champion peace, not just in isolated moments, but as a consistent practice. When modelled and lived out, this approach has the power to ripple outward, shaping not only our personal interactions, but the wider culture of our society.