One simple phrase, 'Let Them', has transformed Mel Robbins' personal and professional life, helping her cut stress and embrace clearer, smarter leadership.
Mel Robbins thinks she's probably heard the words 'let them' thousands of times in her life. Every one of those times, they washed over her with no impact.
Until the night of her son's high school prom.
"I was micromanaging the heck out of my son," the bestselling author and motivational speaker tells The CEO Magazine over a video call from her office in Boston. "You know, the photos, the corsage for the date - the date who didn't want a corsage - all of it."
Inside, she felt like an erupting volcano, unable to keep the words or the tone of voice from coming out of her mouth.
"My daughter, who had these long, fake nails, grabbed my bicep and squeezed them in. She told me I was being really annoying, and to just let them do it," Robbins recalls. "She started saying 'let them, let them, let them' over and over again."
As she did, those two words hit her like a tsunami.
"I don't know what it was about that moment. But, as they always say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears," she says.
"In that instant, I dropped my shoulders and thought, 'Why do I care about this? Let them! They're not worried about me.'"
It was a tipping point for Robbins.
"Over the next couple of days, I noticed how often I was frustrated, or felt friction in my body, or was stressed," she says.
What's more, she realized that 99 percent of the time, it was triggered by other people.
"Other people were scheduling the meeting, other people were driving slowly, other people had expectations, other people's emergencies were becoming my emergencies," she says.
Every time she said 'let them', she was able to block their access to her brain and prevent them from stressing her.
"It was so fascinating. It was just so simple," she reflects.
Let Them - and Let Me
In May 2023, Robbins began talking about those two words on her Instagram account. The reel went viral, attracting 15 million views in a week.
It then became the subject of an episode on her hugely popular podcast, The Mel Robbins Podcast, titled 'The "Let Them Theory": A Life‑Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can't Stop Talking About.'
She quickly found that the more she spoke about it, the more people reached out to tell her that, by enacting 'Let Them' in their lives, they were actually becoming lonelier.
"People were writing in, commenting online, that they were using 'Let Them' everywhere, and they were noticing that they were the only one of their siblings that made an effort, or that their friends didn't invite them out, or that their boss didn't recognize any of their contributions," she says.
That's when it became clear that 'Let Them' needed to be balanced out by another concept: 'Let Me'.
"Once you stop giving other people power, you have to have a way to take it back," she explains. "That's kind of how 'Let Them' and 'Let Me' began."
The two phrases became the premise of The Let Them Theory. The latest in a line of hugely successful books, including The 5 Second Rule and The High 5 Habit, the title represents a practical way to shift your mindset to reduce stress, stop people-pleasing and take control of your own emotional energy.
Since its release in December 2024, the book has sold more than eight million copies, is a New York Times bestseller and, according to world-famous personality and book-lover Oprah, "One of the best self-help books I have ever read."
Bringing the worst to the best
Much of the book examines 'Let Them' through a friendship and relationship lens, yet the watershed moment before her son's prom also helped Robbins recognize that she was making the role of CEO more difficult than it needed to be.
"I've been the kind of executive that has, for many years, allowed the frustrations of work burn up inside, and I would bring them home," she says.
Like many leaders, Robbins says she was guilty of bringing the worst of herself to the best people in her life.
"The theme of how do I stay steady in a high-stress environment at work, then not barf it out at my family, has been something I've really tried to work on as an executive," she says.
"I knew what I needed to do and what changes I needed to make, but I didn't know how to make them. I didn't know how to stop micromanaging people, to control my stress at work.
"I didn't know how to manage my frustrations, my expectations, my relentless pursuit of winning in business - and not have that drive the team into the ground."
By embracing the 'Let Them' and 'Let Me' philosophy, Robbins has added a crucial new tool to her leadership playbook.
"It's a tool that helps you to rise above the noise and the emotion and the pressure so that you can lead."
What moves the needle
Born in Missouri and raised in Michigan, Robbins studied Arts at Dartmouth College before enrolling in law school in Boston. In her past career, she worked as a criminal defense attorney at Legal Aid in New York and became one of CNN's key on-air legal analysts.
She self-published her first book, Stop Saying You're Fine: Discover a More Powerful You in 2011. That same year, she gave a TEDx talk called 'How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over'.
It introduced the five-second rule, a self-management technique to break the habit of procrastination, hesitation and overthinking by using a five-second countdown to take action. To date, it has had more than 34 million views on YouTube.
By 2019, she had founded and become CEO of media company 143 Studios to produce audio and visual content that empowers.
By using 'Let Them' to remove stress in her work, Robbins says she has amplified the power of her optimism and energy and that both now run alongside what she calls her "death-match competitiveness".
"At 143 Studios, we're competing at the highest levels, and doing it without being in a media town, without me being a traditional celebrity, and we're having a blast doing it," she enthuses.
It's also allowed her to focus on what moves the needle in the CEO role: how people feel around her.
"I want people to feel excited to be here," she says. "I want people to feel acknowledged for the work they are doing."
Robbins is clear in her resolve to ensure everyone knows the strategy, expected outcomes and measurements of success in the company.
"I used to be the control freak that was swooping in and micromanaging, but I needed to take a step back and be clear about what success looks like," she says.
"I needed to 'Let Me' get clear and define what success looked like and then 'Let Me' get out of the way and let my team succeed or fail."
Leaders bring the weather
Robbins acknowledges that while she encourages others to bring their ideas and engagement, as leader she has the ability - and the responsibility - to set the tone.
"Leaders bring the weather. It's really important," she says. "Before you hop on a call or walk into a meeting or even arrive at the office, you get to choose what weather you bring. Are you the sun and is your emotional energy bluebird sky? If so, you're warm, bright, optimistic and trustworthy."
That energy, even when a team didn't hit their mark, sets the tone.
"If you're a thunderstorm, that sets the tone too," she notes.
After all, a leader's power lies in the levers that they can switch.
"For me, those levers are about clarity of how we measure success, and about optimism, support and curiosity in leaning into where things go wrong so you can have a problem-solving and solution mindset versus a blame and a scorched earth mindset," she continues.
"That's what brings out the best in your teams, and then your job is to get out of the way."
While The Let Them Theory is primarily framed as a mindset shift for your personal life, especially in the context of relationships and emotional well-being, Robbins knows from experience how relevant its core idea - releasing control over others' actions and focusing on your own peace - can be applied professionally.
"I didn't realize how much I was overcomplicating the role of CEO, because my stress and frustration were in the way," she says, adding that she believed the lie that everything was up to her.
"Just because the ultimate responsibility lies with you doesn't mean it's up to you. Too often, friction at work points to either a missing process, or lack of clarity, a tool that's missing, or a skills gap. It's not personal."