DEAR BONNIE: I lost my best friend last year, and now my mother just passed as well. I know I am not feeling like myself. I know as a medium you see the other side but what do you say to people that cannot get over the pain of losing someone? Thanks, Jean
DEAR JEAN: I am so sorry for your losses. Grief is something that each of us will experience in our lifetime. As someone who works with clients who are grieving the loss of loved ones, I can tell you that no one grieves the same. Grief doesn't only exist when we lose a loved one; it can stem from many things, such as a divorce, a big life circumstance, moving to a new location, and so many other life-changing situations.
Understanding how grief can affect our lives is crucial for navigating this emotional landscape with compassion and finding paths to healing.
Grief profoundly impacts on our emotional well-being. The intensity of emotions can vary, ranging from deep sadness and despair to anger, guilt, and even numbness. These feelings can be overwhelming and may fluctuate unpredictably. It is common for individuals to feel a sense of shock or disbelief initially, as the reality of the loss gradually sets in.
One of the most prevalent emotions associated with grief is sadness. This deep sense of loss can lead to feelings of emptiness and loneliness. In some cases, prolonged sadness can develop into clinical depression.
Grief can also evoke feelings of anger and resentment. People might feel angry at the circumstances surrounding the loss, at themselves, or even at the person who has passed away. This anger often manifests the pain and frustration associated with the loss.
Feelings of guilt and regret are common in grief. Individuals may focus on things they wish they had said or done differently. This can lead to a sense of responsibility for the loss, even when it is unwarranted. Understanding that these emotions are a natural part of the grieving process is essential for self-compassion and healing.
It is not uncommon to feel numb or in shock in the immediate aftermath of a loss. This emotional numbing serves as a protective mechanism, allowing the individual to gradually process the reality of the loss. Over time, as the shock wears off, other emotions may surface more intensely. I know I have a friend who reached out to me, asking me, "Why am I not feeling anything?" I have not cried.
Grief affects our emotions and can have significant physical consequences. The body and mind are closely interconnected, and the stress of grieving can manifest in various ways.
The emotional toll of grief can lead to profound fatigue and exhaustion.
Many individuals experiencing grief report difficulties with sleep. This can include insomnia, frequent waking during the night, or excessive sleeping.
Grief can alter appetite and eating habits. Some people may lose their appetite entirely, while others may turn to food for comfort, leading to overeating.
The stress and tension associated with grief can manifest as physical pain. Individuals may experience headaches, muscle aches, or other somatic symptoms.
Grief can also affect cognitive functioning, leading to difficulties with concentration, memory, and decision-making.
Grief can impact short-term memory, leading to forgetfulness and difficulty retaining information.
The emotional turmoil of grief can make decision-making challenging. Individuals may feel overwhelmed by even simple choices, leading to indecision or avoidance.
Grief can also influence social interactions and relationships. Understanding these impacts can help individuals navigate their social world during this challenging time.
Grief can strain relationships with family and friends. Loved ones may struggle to understand the depth of the individual's pain or may feel helpless in providing support. Open communication and seeking professional help can be crucial in maintaining and rebuilding these relationships.
While grief is a profoundly personal journey, seeking support from others can be instrumental in the healing process. This can include contacting trusted friends and family, joining support groups, or seeking professional counseling. Sharing experiences and emotions with others who understand can provide comfort and validation.
Many clients find solace in maintaining a continued bond with the deceased. This can involve cherishing memories, engaging in rituals or traditions, or finding ways to honor the person's legacy. These continued bonds can provide comfort and a sense of connection.