Texas Performing Arts brings television to the theatre stage in their mounting of Robert Leleux's Golden Girls play. More a continuation than a tribute show, everyone's favorite Miami-based seniors hit the boards running, with Sophia, Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose all busy causing as much mischief as they ever did - with a modern twist. Sophia's been busted for drug running; Blanche and Rose made an app; and Dorothy, well, she's schtuping a young sweetheart. You'll be thanking yourself for being a friend after you grab a ticket - or maybe more than one, you know, for your pals and confidantes. - James Scott
Thursday 12, Hyperreal Film Club
Oh, wherever you find Rizzo the Rat, Gonzo as Charles Dickens, and Michael Caine playing opposite Muppets with deadly sincerity, it feels like Christmas. And if you do have all those elements? You're in for the best Christmas Carol adaptation ever. Sorry not sorry, George C. Scott and Bill Murray and Albert Finney and that weird Jim Carrey version, but you didn't stand a chance alongside Kermit and crew. Join Hyperreal Film Club and go gently into that good December night, with hordes of Victorian puppets constantly dancing before your eyes. - Cat McCarrey
Thursday 12, Kick Butt Coffee
Doctor Who? More like Doctor Poo, amirite? Okay, okay: That was obviously not a very convincing taunt, as I cannot help but stink heavily of Whovian. As will all of you after attending Geekgasm's seasonal soiree featuring performances tributing the ol' Doctors from allons-a to allonsy. Featured on the lineup are Gemmi Galactic, Jack Rabid, Copper Penny, Jack Potts, Tangelo, Danny Fox-Trot, Marcia Melons, and Hya Zakite - plus raffles, themed drinks, trivia, and more. To the Tardis, babes! - James Scott
Thursday 12 - Saturday 14, Thursday 19 - Saturday 21, Dougherty Arts Center
Sometimes it's hard to commit to a couple hours of a single play. I get it. We'd rather binge Shōgun than sit for Killers of the Flower Moon. I don't know why it's different, but it is. And now you can experience just that sensation at Stargaze Theater Festival, Star Bandit's annual presentation of original short plays. Jump start any New Year's resolution to be more cultured by watching some of the best and brightest creative stars of our local scene. It's two weekends of brand-new bliss on the boards. - Cat McCarrey
Through January 1, Mozart's Coffee Roasters
Celebrate holiday lights and our city's gorgeous aquatic environment in style at Mozart's. Part of their yearly Lake Austin Festival of Lights, the coffeehouse offers multiple options for you to sail upon. Bundle up beneath a crystalline-style igloo with up to 10 friends, or float within the first ever electric donut boat while a captain guides you through the light displays. Or round up 22 loved ones for a full-on cruise through Lake Austin on a vessel decorated in seasonal cheer. All sailing options include complimentary hot chocolate. Cheers! - James Scott
Friday 13, AFS Cinema
You fools! Did you think that you could contain all of the Evil One's cinematic nonsense in one single exorcism of 16mm weirdness? Of course not! Yes, historian of the macabre Ivan Peycheff has been battling demons within the American Genre Film Archive to find even more berserk, baffling, uncanny, and downright hilarious clips, shorts, teasers, features, and commercials for this second conjuring of Old Scratch. Presented in cooperation with Bat City Cinema, this night of unholy delights will scare the fake plastic devil horns right off your head. - Richard Whittaker
Through December 21, Neill-Cochran House Museum
On the seventh go-round, Ventana Ballet & Red Nightfall Dance Theatre partner in presenting this diverse reimagining of The Nutcracker. Delving into the character of Clara, who in this story is a young woman finding her way in life, the production combines many dance styles with jazz as well as interactive stage craft. "To be so close to something you know so well from afar is to see it anew," wrote our former Arts Editor Robert Faires of his Watchmaker experience. "It is magical, and in a way that is all this show's own." - James Scott
Friday 13 - Sunday 15, House of Torment
Naughty or nice? Choose your path as you wend your way through the snowy, spooky winter wonderland that settles on Austin's favorite haunted attraction this season. Treats and terrors galore await within these terrifying walls, and if you can survive your encounters with evil elves, scary Santa, and good ol' Krampus himself, then maybe you'll make it to the haunted selfie museum for a Christmas photo you'll never forget. - Richard Whittaker
Through January 11, McLennon Pen co.
This month, another of Austin's talented coterie of visual artists opens an exhibition of painting, drawing, and sculpture that asks the eerie question, "won't you be my neighbor?" I say eerie because these images are less Mr. Rogers, more David Lynch, dealing with the persistent surveillance of the modern American upper-class neighborhood - Ring cameras, doorbells, etc. - that so often imbue city dwellers with a pervasive sense of anxiety rather than security. Ben Siekierski's images reflect that with surreal flaming lawns, disembodied eyes, and other markers of a nascent undulating evil in the mundane. Opening reception is this Friday 6-9pm, on Friday the 13th no less. - Lina Fisher
Friday 13, Flamingo Cantina
We live in pretty divided times, but cannabis is a big tent that a lot of folks fit under: farmers, wellness activists, legalization advocates, and cannabusiness capitalists, to name a few. (Also, like, a lotta real chill dudes.) You'll meet every stripe under the sun at the Texas Hemp Harvest Festival, which combines education, a marketplace of Texas vendors, and a musical lineup that goes hard on reggae (Josh Heinrichs & Skillinjah, The Mau Man Chaplains, Black Roses). Advance GA admission is $15, $20 at the door, and big spenders can get the $45 VIP perks of cannabis cocktails, infused pastries, and a special gift from presenting sponsor Sweet Sensi. - Kimberley Jones
Friday 13, Hyperreal Film Club
A king among men is Gremlins 2, a film that dares to ask "What if there was an electricity gremlin?" Yeah man: What if! Returning cast members Zach Galligan and Phoebe Cates hit the big city as young professionals still reeling from their small town's big Christmas scare. Their employer, the presciently automated Clamp Center, houses an animal testing lab run by a perfectly pitched Christopher Lee, who gets hold of a newly homeless Gizmo. Hijinks ensue, all of which shine with director Joe Dante's influences from Looney Tunes to James Whale. - James Scott
Friday 13, Coral Snake
Scare yourself into the holiday spirit with this new collaborative event from Events on Purpose and the Emo Alien. Benefiting Kind Clinic and Out Youth, you'll be subjected to festive drag performances most foul hosted by Solovino - plus tattoos, tarot readings, a vendor market, raffle prizes, and more. Snag your ticket ahead of time to get in for $15, or wait 'til day-of for a $20 price tag: Whatever you choose, you're in for a scream. - James Scott
Friday 13 - Saturday 14, Monday 16 - Tuesday 17, Alamo Drafthouses South Lamar, Slaughter Lane, Lakeline, and Mueller; Wednesday 18 & Friday 20, AFS Cinema
Of the scary cinematic tool kit, I find jump scares to be the least among the devices within. Cheap pop-ups or screams leave you rattled but otherwise fine. No, no: If you really want to scare a viewer, just confront them with the unrelenting misogyny that surrounds us all. As a sorority empties out before Christmas break, the threatening phone calls they've been receiving all semester become a physical foe as a killer stalks through the house. Written by Roy Moore as a play on the age-old campfire tale of the babysitter and the man upstairs - the call is coming from inside the house, you know - there's a prescient exploration of men's hatred for women within this brisk little slasher. - James Scott
Saturday 14, Women & their Work
We're the live music capital of the world, but that doesn't just mean jangly guitars in dim bars. Austin is home to some confoundingly talented composers. One of those is Catherine Davis, whose elevated sound explorations are guaranteed to spark inspiration. With "Canticles," a one-night show, Davis delves into what womanhood means in the wider world. "'Canticles for the Innocent' speaks to the strength I see in the feminine experience," says Davis about her work. Join in for a site-specific night of strength and sorrow, hope and despair, all communicated through sound. - Cat McCarrey
Saturday 14, Blanton Museum of Art
This daylong event gives attendees a deeper understanding of curated Blanton's offerings courtesy of art experts. Following a lineup of drawing instruction, storytimes, and more eye-centric engagement comes a little something for the ears. Local Grammy-winning choral group Conspirare comes to the museum's acoustically grand hall for two performances (we have to assume there will be some holiday faves in there) followed by a DJ set to keep things moving till your art-appreciating ass calls it quits. - James Renovitch
Saturday 14, Co-Lab Projects
With all that the arts have done for you, isn't it time you asked yourself, "What have I done to support the arts lately?" Co-Lab offers an easy and fun way to give back with this fundraiser supporting the continuation of their 16-year streak of more than 400 exhibitions and performances. For your donation - or you could just become a member, just sayin' - you get live music, Christmas karaoke, a mechanical bull, food, drinks, and the feeling of satisfaction knowing you aren't just consuming art but supporting it. - James Renovitch
Saturday 14, MASS Gallery
Now here's a place that's got really good MASS appeal: the Eastside gallery and community space calls to your wallet this Saturday. With sweet shopping available from local vendors - including recent Gift Guide highlight Tak Tak Goods - as well as seasonal sips and snacks by food truck Lynny's ATX, you'll be driven to dance to the tunes spun by DJ Veneer. Want to hang out sans the spending spree? MASS' current group exhibition hosts its final hours during the market, with gallery members posting up their own art work alongside another artist of their choosing. - James Scott
Saturday 14, We Luv Video
Oh, now I'm supposed to sell you on Die Hard? The movie that's literally sparked worldwide debate over what is and isn't a Christmas movie? A cinematic experience so seismic it's given Bruce Willis a lifetime pass for any subpar performances since then? For the uninitiated, now is the perfect time to travel up Nakatomi Tower and see why everyone goes crazy trying to justifying this as a seasonal favorite. If you're already a die hard Die Hard fan, well: Yipee ki-yay, motherfucker. It's truly Christmas time now. - James Scott
Saturday 14, Dottiewood Studios
Rare is the chance to put bucks right in the hands of the creators you love, so when Black Makers Market offers an opportunity such as this, well. You gotta be there! Hosted indoors, shoppers can peruse 30 Black-owned businesses' wares while also enjoying other festive fun: a photo opp with Black Santa, an ornament-making station, Instagrammable photo set ups, and even a little edu-tatinment at their STEM gingerbread activation. - James Scott
Saturday 14, the State Theatre
Come one, come all, to this celebration of Austin's premier curve-centric dance troupe. Fat Bottom Cabaret under host Nikki DaVaughn brings together local and traveling artists for a true class act performance that they call "our heartfelt tribute to YOU and the stages that have made it possible for us to take over the world, one curve at a time." Dress to impress and be ready to party in the aisles. - James Scott
Sunday 15, the Cathedral
Girl, how many more times am I gonna have to convince y'all to go shopping? This one's not even that hard of a sell: Women & nonbinary art collective atxGALS throws a big ol' market featuring over 200 different original works from local women artists, with thousands of prints also on offer. Whether you're buying for your aunt who loves the avant-garde or your landlord who adores a landscape, there's a little art here for everyone. - James Scott